Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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