He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
