she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
