i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
