She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
