We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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