I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
handjob tips. give me some.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
