im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
