the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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