You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
false alarm, still single
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
