i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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