I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
from now on my penis is your penis
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
