im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
