my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's blow job season.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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