just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize