community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
