Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
