Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
