Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
