So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
