So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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