why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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