im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
