At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Be still, my beating vagina.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
