I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize