marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
