While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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