It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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