i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
