i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
