It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
