this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
