1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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