Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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