There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
