yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
