I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
