So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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