Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The best revenge is premature balding
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
