dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
