If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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