are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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