All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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