we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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