I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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