OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
