THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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