dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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