My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
