Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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