I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
