You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
