You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
