If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
