You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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