I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
