She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
