Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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