I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
