So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I feel like abortions should bother me more
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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