We won't sleep together?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
