What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
