My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
