wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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