Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
