woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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