Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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