i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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