I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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