I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
